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The Top 5% of the Web
Pointcom's ubiquitous Top 5% of the Web earns IU's bottom 5% of the
Infamous 100. IU loves the Net, but facts are facts--99
percent of the Web sucks. And so do four percent of Pointcom's
indiscriminate picks.
The Fruitabomber
Edmonton police said they were convinced that a young miscreant who
was detonating "Molotov melons," explosive-packed watermelons,
learned his craft on the Net.
Lambchop and
"Movers and Shakers"
c|net tries to pass off children's puppeteer Sheri Lewis (the ventriloquist
for "Lambchop") as a "Mover and Shaker" in their Feb. 27 "Mover and
Shakers" column.
See Ya in the Funny Pages
The comics section of the newspaper was invaded by cyberspace as
cartoonists mined the Internet for all its comedic value. While Net jokes
may work in Dilbert and
Doonesburym, every time Cathy or Dave logged on
we could only cringe. At least we could still depend on ol' Beetle Bailey
for a good joke and traditional comic strip fare about overbearing wives
and secretary-chasing.
Playboy's Girls
of the Internet
It's no surprise that a video tape named "Playboy's Girls of the Internet"
would sell like buckets of ice in the Sonoran. What is surprising is that
people tuned into the video's March kickoff party broadcast sponsored
by AudioNet. The tech conversations were largely upstaged by
shameless self-promotion, meretricious complimenting from the
interviewer and gratuitous squeaks and giggles.
Dear Ann Landers, Get a Clue!
Although she doesn't have a Net connection, advice columnist Ann
Landers hooed and hollered about the dangers of the Net in '96. Users
tried to explain the benefits of the Net, but Landers was too in awe by
letters and stories sent to her about chat room infidelity. Wait till she
gets a load of #89.
The Shoecam
A retired high school teacher was arrested with a hidden camera in his
shoe that he was using to look up the skirts of women. Where'd he get
the idea for that? On the Net, of course.
Politician's Internet Gaffes
Inevitably, whenever politicians open their mouths to
talk about the Internet, they say something silly (Sen. Pat Leahy and
Rep. Rick White excluded). Our favorite line this year was Bob Dole's
stilted reading of his Web address
during the closing remarks of the first presidential debate. Dole forgot to
note the "dot" between "dolekemp96" and "org," an honest, yet funny
mistake. Second place
goes to President Clinton for asking Vice President Gore
why some links were highlighted blue when the two were surfing the Net
during a photo-op.
First the Bubonic Plague, Now This
Wayward rats were blamed for an incident that blacked out a day's
worth of Internet access for a large portion of Silicon Valley. The rats
not only knocked Stanford and Cal-Berkeley offline, but also about 400
companies connecting to the Net via BBN Planet, a major ISP that
houses a server on the Stanford campus.
The Bernie S. Saga
Ed Cummings, a.k.a. Bernie S., spent nearly two years in prison--five
different prisons really--after being found guilty to the strained charge
of intent to commit telecommunications fraud. Cummings' crime,
equivalent in severity to littering and insulting the flag (by Philadelphia
legal standards), led to a nightmarish journey through the prison system
that would have had Franz Kafka shaking his head in amazement.
Collectible Modems
We always thought modems were more of a utility than a collectible, but
Netcomm, an Australian PC communications company, began
marketing the world's first collectible modem: an AU$449 model
emblazoned with the X-Files logo. Only 5,000 individually
numbered modems were
produced.
The Death of WebReview
Quality Web sites don't die, they just fade away when there isn't enough
ad revenue or enough loyal readers willing to shell out $20/year.
The FCC Gets a Crack at the Net
Democrats in the U.S. House of Representatives showed how Net-
unfriendly they were on Sept. 12 when they blocked Republican-backed
legislation that would have
prevented the Federal Communications Commission from regulating the
Internet. Here comes the FCC.
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URLs Everywhere
Actual places we spotted URLs this year: The back of a bus, a pint of
Ben & Jerry's, countless billboards, even more countless TV ads, a jar of
Ragu, several magazine covers, a bottle of Gatorade, the NBA sidelines,
movie trailers and a tube of Metadent.
Boors on the Web
Last year, Robert Toups went to bat against Internet
Underground on behalf of his Web site, Babes on the Web.
IU had criticized the boorish and gender-stereotyping media
prank, then offered "Toupsie" a chance to rebut in print. Toupsie's
rebuttal rivaled the original piece in length, and he wouldn't hear of
having it edited. A spat ensued, he never wrote to word count, and his
arrogant ramblings never saw the light of day, except on his own Web
site. Oddly enough, Toupsie two-facedly bashed the magazine in public,
but his private e-mails to staffers complimented the publication. Then
the lawyers got involved--Anyway, at press time, his site hadn't been
updated in eight months, and that's as good as dead on the Web.
Forlorn Porn Horn Dogs
Microsoft turned in two former employees who were charged with
allegedly using their computers to access child pornography on the Net.
They both face up to a year in prison. Microsoft's point perhaps? No
one leaves the family, no one!
Yahoo! Personal Ads
Yahoo! introduced regional classifieds that will not only help netizens
find a used car or a nice puppy, but also an "Activity Partner, Pen Pal,
Long-term Relationship or Alternative Lifestyle." The Yahoo! Personals
form prompts users for mandatory information regarding body type:
"Slim, waif-ish or healthy, slightly overweight." You can skirt through the
entry form without revealing your ethnic background or religious
preference, but the physical description field is merciless.
Celebrity chat with Elvis
In an historic event, seance participants posted the first-ever Internet
"connection" with the King himself!
Veterinarian Blackmail
In one of the most unusual chat room stories of the year, a Kansas
veterinarian, Ron Hornbaker, plead guilty to charges of extortion--he
blackmailed and threatened to beat up men who engaged in chat sex
with his wife "Rita." Rita and Ron, however, were one and the same
person. Hornbaker's Crying Game scheme came to end after a
Rockford, Ill. man contacted the Feds.
Web Campaigns '96
The '96 presidential candidates' Web sites were about as (yawn, excuse
me) exciting as the '96 presidential campaign. And then there are the
parody sites that popped up all over the Web, at domains like www.clinton96.org , www.dole96.org and www.whitehouse.net ,
that have fooled thousands of unsuspecting dupes with faux Clinton and
Dole campaign information. While the media whooped it up about the
influence of political Web sites, users were instead checking out these
other presidential candidate pages: Cornholio, Fidel Castro (The
Ultimate Washington Outsider), Bob Drole, Fig
Bar Man, Scully/Mulder, Papa Smurf and the Cthulhu/Limbaugh ticket,
for those "tired of choosing between the lesser of two evils."
Roger Stone
Stone, a volunteer adviser with the Bob Dole presidential campaign and
one-time campaign chairman for Sen. Arlen Specter, was forced to step
down after being accused of placing X-rated personal ads for him and
his wife on the Net.
The Web is Not FDA-Approved!
Move over, Mr. President. Now the U.S. Food and Drug Administration
wants to censor the Net. On Oct. 16-17, the agency held a conference
to decide how to respond to the "problem" of discussions of drug use in
America Online chat rooms and pharmaceutical companies that link to
sites that offend the Feds' sensibilities.
The Cyberstalker
Threatened by lewd and hateful e-mail messages, a Dallas couple
sought out and won the first-ever Net-delivered restraining order this
Oct. 15. No more. You hear me,
no more!
Rigging Contests
Winning contests became a lot easier this year as several Web sites
provided answers for would-be participants. In particular, spoilers
targeted Proctor and Gamble's Sunny D Scavenger Hunt--several sites
were created just to list the locations of hidden Sunny D bottles on the
Web.
The Resurrection of WebReview
That is until some company comes along and decides it wants to sink
some more cash into the project.
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