Weird on the Web



Trep-O-Matic 2000

dot Because three eyes are better than two. By drilling a small hole through the skull, one can achieve greater consciousness, open untapped psychic powers and take preventative measures against fatal Hyper-Cerebral Electrosis (a condition that causes the cranium to detonate). The process is called trepanation--and Third Eye Marketing, Inc.'s $49.95 home trepanation kit offers just the tools to get the cerebral juices flowing. Throw away that painful hammer and nail. At this site, you'll learn about the Trep-O-Matic 2000, its patented space-age custom alloy, common trepanation myths and becoming a Third Eye distributor. It's fun for the whole family.


Useless Facts

How could a fact be useless? Well, did you know that in Chinese, the words for crisis and opportunity are the same? That the glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher? That police dogs are trained to react to commands in a foreign language? That the band Duran Duran got their name from the 1968 Jane Fonda movie Barbarella? That on the new $100 bill, the time on the clock tower of Independence Hall is 4:10? This is just a taste, mind you, of the scads of useless facts contained herein. We'd like to close by informing you that the dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.


The Broken Toilet Home Page

swirly The author of this page says that this site was created to honor Tom Carr, the man responsible for the destruction of the second floor toilet at the Seabrook Nuclear Power Plant. Aside from the title page's lame animated GIF of Carr's head bobbing in and out of a toilet, the site offers a poorly edited retelling of the incident, space for other users to submit their own similar washroom mishaps and a promise to post the security report filed about Carr's unfortunate experience. Obviously an interoffice joke, the strange page is a fine example of online excretory waste.


The Unofficial Small Wonder Home Page

small freakin' wonder Small Wonder. The wooden acting, banal dialogue and shoddy production value of this show--not to mention the credibility-stretching premise of Vicki, a preteen robot masquerading as a normal child--push Small Wonder past the Lyle Alzado vehicle Learning the Ropes as the low watermark of television sitcoms. And even though there was something strangely fascinating about the program, this Web site is way too thorough. In fact, this is just about the most frightening site we've come across in our year-plus of professional surfing.


The Rensselaer Drop Squad

splaaaat This is a first-hand account of a band of happy-go-lucky college vandals at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, and their inspired shenanigans--particularly the dropping of random things down a 10-story staircase. A few years ago, the vandals dropped a number of odd items down the shaft, including a pumpkin, a typewriter, a decorated Christmas tree and scores of McDonald's hamburgers. Flip your way through the illustrated journal of celebrated drops and marvel at the many messes. The site is made all the more intriguing by the addition of supporting material, such as stern letters from the administration, taped transcripts of phone calls of members trying to get their alibis straight and anonymous accusations.


Ferret Central

ferret Who knew there was such an interest in ferrets? Hundreds of links to sites about ferret care, ferrets in art history, ferret cartoons, ferret newsletters and an interactive online game, Ferret Racing. The most amusing section of the site is the "Photos and Sounds" area where one can listen to the filthy animals chitter, chuckle, whine and "power sniff."


Mark Eats AOL

nny-omp! You'll find plenty of people on the Net who'll tell you that AOL bites. But at this site, in a classic twist, someone is biting back. That someone is Mark, a 15-year-old with a thesaurus, who explains that when an AOL offer arrived in the mail, he realized his purpose in life: To ingest AOL disks and CD-ROMs. The result of that epiphany is this "moving pictorial essay," where, through the magic of digital photography, we get to view Mark champing his way through four different versions of the Vienna, Va.-based online giant's software.


Name In Hieroglyphic

this page has cymbols If you're obsessed with the film Cleopatra and find yourself dreaming endlessly about Sphinxes, slaves and asps, this is the place to go to obtain your own little piece of Egypt. It's simple: Type in your name phonetically and it'll be translated into hieroglyphics. No way of confirming the authenticity, but nifty nonetheless.


The Phobia List

The Phobia List is nothing if not completely eclectic. Unfortunately, people have as many irrational fears, it seems, as there are stars in the sky. Some are fairly understandable--metathesiophobia, fear of changes, and poinephobia, fear of punishment, stem from usual human impulses. However, the fear of fur or skins of animals, the fear of heaven and the fear of poetry are examples that really hammer home how debilitating and unexpected a phobia can be. Best use of technology on the site: The reverse phobia list, which allows users to search the site by the object of terror, rather than by the corresponding medical term.


Killer Fonts

writes like a patsy Move over, Monaco; take a hike, Helvetica; see ya, Sans Serif. Now you can install Dahmer, Manson and Oswald in your font file and truly write like a killer. Yep, for only $4.95 each, users can purchase individual fonts crafted in the style of a host of murderers and assassins including: Sirhan Sirhan, John Dillinger and Jack the Ripper. Admittedly, this is a pretty tasteless enterprise, but we give the entrepreneurs their propers for owning up to this and for donating a portion of the proceeds to charity.


Goodfella's Ballbreakers Page

break 'em, eat 'em At the Ballbreakers page, it's not a pretty picture. The gist of the site is essentially this: Send in a JPEG formatted photo via e-mail of someone you dislike (X-rated photos not accepted) and the fellas on the server side, Tommy and Jimmy, will post it to the Net. Don't forget to e-mail them an insulting caption to accompany your picture submissions. Got it, tough guy?


The I Hate Linear Algebra Home Page

ih8---algebra You can get the drift of Will's intense dislike of linear algebra simply by reading the site's table of contents. "What's Linear Algebra?" "Why does Will Hate Linear Algebra So Much?" "Guess Will's Linear Algebra Grade" (Hint: The wallpaper of the site is a giant D+). According to Will, the most-hated aspect of linear algebra at his school is its seeming ease at first, and its transformation into a completely incorrigible beast shortly after the last date students are allowed to drop the class.


The Death Toll

eezsnotatumah No, this page is not about the $7 it costs to take the Verrazano Bridge from Brooklyn to Staten Island. Rather, The Death Toll is a simple tally of the number of faceless bad guys Arnold has killed, mutilated, bent and stapled over his prestigious film career. While the site has not been updated to include Eraser, or Jingle All the Way, it's still amusing enough. For the record, Commando is Arnold's deadliest film, with 100 fatalities, while Kindergarten Cop, with a lone execution, is the least bloody.


The Tick's Dart Game

odie's revenge Loosely based on the animated TV series, The Tick, this site encourages users to throw darts at the faces of Bill Gates, Rush Limbaugh, Barney the Dinosaur and Garfield. Select a GIF of the "evil icon" you wish to disfigure and fire away. The author of the site obviously has some issues to work out--nonetheless, his site is kind of fun.


Celebrity Slugfest

Why pay homage to the stars when you can beat the living @#$% out of them instead? Step into the ring and duke it out with the likes of O.J. Simpson, Tori Spelling, Ted Kennedy, Fabio, and other infamous celebrities via this clever Shockwave application. Players who dare "start a match" must use their keyboard to move, dodge and punch. As you batter your star of choice, he or she will begin to exhibit wear-and-tear in the form of blackened eyes and swollen lips--that is, until you (or they) finally deal the death blow and win the bout.


The Complete Lyrics to 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

99. The number of Nena's luft balloons, Barbara Feldon's code name in Get Smart and the number of beers the author of this page had before wasting hours in posting the most annoying road trip song of all time. In addition to making the lyrics available to the Web, the keeper of this page linked every number in the song to an accompanying graphic displaying the bottles still left on the wall.


Engle's Oil

engle's oil Seventeen-year-old Dan Chaney works at Engle's Oil and has kindly arranged this virtual tour of the gas station. The site offers pictures of the workplace, including images of the bathroom, the cigarette rack, the weekly schedule, Pat's office, the fridge and even a GIF of a fly. Images are also available of the full-service island, the diesel pump, the car wash instructions and an airhose. It's a full-service site that's set to the fine music of Jimi Hendrix.


How To Drive Like A Moron

moron Based on simple observation of the freeways during rush hour these days, this page doesn't seem terribly off the mark (Disclaimer: This page is just a joke--we are not endorsing irresponsible driving. Thank you.). The site is broken into various categories: driving in inclement weather, interpreting traffic signs, using directional signals and shopping-center parking lots. Among the advice to be found here: "If the road conditions are anything but dry, always tailgate," "When looking in the rear-view mirror and observing the car behind you changing lanes, quickly jump into the same lane, staying in front of him," "Maintain flex-time at work so that you can drive around leisurely when others are rushing to get to work on time," and a personal favorite, "If you own a pick-up truck, transport your ugliest family members on the flat bed and make sure they stare at other drivers." For kicks, don't forget to make numerous copies of the driving and parking citations at the site to leave on windshields of other cars.


homeback to archive