Still, there is a lot of room for improvement. I need to become more active -- typing faster hasn't affected my cardiovascular system like I'd hoped. I need to open myself to other avenues and experiences. Find myself a girlfriend; maybe two or three. I was thinking of having one for each of my e-mail addresses.

I know I should also read more, maybe write a screenplay, learn to play a musical instrument and learn a foreign language. I could work out, learn to meditate, do yoga or karate. Possibly even try a yoga/karate hybrid, although I'll need to be careful not to kick myself in the face.

Those are all big steps. Right now, I spend most of my time either sitting at my computer or being passed out a few feet away from it. That's why, despite my psychiatrists' urgings, I've decided to leave the above resolutions for 1997.

That doesn't mean I won't make important changes in 1996. Here's a few.

I plan to change the name I use on MUDs. Foobies? What kind of name is Foobies? Initially I used it because it's the password to my ATM card. It helped me remember it. I've been thinking of changing my password, though, and so now Foobies seems expendable.

I plan to create a more friendly search engine. Right now, all Web crawlers are computer-driven. This one will be completely organic. I'm going to do all the searching myself, by hand. I'm going to keep everything on index cards. I'm not going to give it a special name or anything, but you might want to call it Mirsky.

I plan to develop and propagate a new graphics file format that uses a combination of GIF and JPEG technologies. It's spelled JPEGIF. It works fine. It's just taking a long time to determine how people should pronounce it.

I plan to create a new e-mail signature. With a little time, I should be able to make a much more accurate depiction of the chemical structure for Prozac.

I plan to start exploring new channels on IRC (inter-relay chat). I recently learned a few Finnish swear words, so now I should have some idea when I'm about to get kicked out of the better ones.

I plan to read the alt.binaries. nude.celebrities newsgroup more frequently. I just know there were requests for my George C. Scott pics. Did I miss them again?

I plan to stop people from talking dirty in the WebChat Lounge channels. I think I can have everything under control by copying and pasting in some song lyrics from this location: http://bigdipper.umd. edu/music/lyrics/reek.of.putrefaction.

I plan to try one of those "Make money fast!" offers constantly posted on Usenet. I figure if it doesn't work out, I'll just start posting messages that it's a big scam like everybody else.

I plan to hack into the government site that stores everyone's immunization records. I can't remember whether I've been vaccinated for cholera. I have a very business-like relationship with my doctor and I'm too uncomfortable to ask. I'm also the number one fan of Holly Hunter. I can't rest until I know she's been properly inoculated.

I plan to rename the World Wide Web. I haven't thought of what I'm going to call it yet, but it's going make it a lot more popular.