Weird on the Web (3-96)

Brian Bookman's Page O' Pants
http://www.midsoft.com/~myron/bruce/home.html
Frightening as it may seem, this page is not at all a misnomer. Bruce Bookman (who's been a bit ornery lately, following his breakup with his girlfriend) has dedicated a page to pants in all their varieties, from the moronic bus-station Dockers ads to a picture of himself as a young boy wearing trousers Benny Hill wouldn't touch. Why did he choose pants? He frankly admits that initial idea came from David Letterman, though he and his friends "have had inside pants jokes (oops.. I just made one right there, didn't I... get it.. INSIDE pants??) for years." Bookman believes that "anything normal can be made funny with ëpants' included. For example: You could say, ëHey, I just came back from the store and brought back a bunch of fruit and donuts IN MY PANTS'. It is the kooky sexual innuendo that makes this work." Bookman also has distinct opinions about other pants on the 'net, giving Teri Hatcher the nod for best pants, on or off, and Bill Gates' pants the distinction as most evil. "I have not seen many pages that include full length photos of people, so it is hard to know about the pants," sighs Bookman, though he does have a favorite programming group of trouser-wearers: Sun Microsystems. "All of the Folks at Sun wear colorful play pants," explains Bookman. "For their creation of Java."

Cheese Net
http://www.efn.org/~kpw/cheesenet95/
Arguably the finest resource about the artery-clogging foodstuff on the 'net, CheeseNet offers archives of information, recipes and more facts than you thought you wanted to know about the dairy product. Would you like to know what's in cheese? Find out in "What's In Your Cheese." Have other dairy-related questions? Ask Dr. Cheese, arguably the 'net's top authority on all things dairy in our favorite section of the site. The good doctor faces even the most difficult questions head-on, such as "Is Velveeta really cheese?" Notes the knowledgeable Dr. Cheese: "Many people say that if it tastes like cheese and looks like cheese, then it in fact must be. But many in my field find Velveeta reprehensible, and find the depiction of cheddar in their commercials as lumpy and useless, frankly, shocking." He even bravely takes on the delicate, age-old comparison of Vermont cheddars vs. Wisconsin varieties.

The Spork
http://intac.com/~cully/spork.html
Known to fast food lovers worldwide, the Spork (combination spoon and fork) boasts its own extensive Web site replete with a review of sporks from around the world and media mentions of sporks. The highlight of the site are alternative uses for sporks -- it seems ironically that despite testimony from two people that actually navigating food with a spork is out of the question.

Drug Terms Resource Page
http://iuma.southern.com/PIPE/drugsterms.html
Have a jones for antifreeze? An addiction to ah-pen-yen? To do anything right, you have to know the lingo. From this site, you can talk like the pros do it, those drug users who know their stuff. Compiled by a variety of experts for the supposed use of police officers, this resource educates anyone who wants to inflitrate the ranks of the unwashed and the drug-induced by taking on the jargon. Learn the many names for crack (Bad, ball bings, double yoke, egg, fat bags, 51, fry, glo, Hubba I am back, and love affair) or heroin (kaybayo, jojee, hombre, hero, golden girl). After studying this site, you'll be able to defy detection by hitting up dealers with this kind of hip in-the-know jargon: "I'll give you an Abe's cabe for some fish scales since I'm on an interplanetary mission since I am not a gutter junkie. Do you have an in, bro?"

The Worship Page
http://www.stolaf.edu/people/lang/worship.html
We could sum up what you find here, but in the words of the author : "This is a comprehensive list which a few friends and I created in spring 1989. It is intended to list every interesting or memorable item in the world." Truly a remarkable documnet the list, which occupies and impressive 52 pages of bandwhith, is neither sorted, edited or hyperlinked in anyway. A few nuggets culled from the list: Dwayne Schneider (page 6), Irish Proverbs (page 17) and Rerun Breakdancing (page 43).

Steve's Antfarm
http://sec.dgsys.com/antfarm.html
Why waste your time steering up your own ant farm, when for just pennies a day you can sit back and watch Steve's? In man's never-ending quest to point cameras at objects and then put them on the Web, we've come to this, the Steve's ants digging tunnels. The action is updated every five minutes, but your best bet is checking on the progress at longer intervals, unless you're a big Dave Matthews Band fan.

Joy's Gum Collection
http://www.pacifier.com/~joyco/gum.html
If you loved the banana last collection in last month's issue, put down the magazine now and check out Joy's ever- expanding, international collection of gum. Luckily Joy rarely chews gum, so there's no having to comb through GIFs of wet wads of used pieces. No mere handful of Bazooka and Wrigley favorites Joy's collection will astound even the most avid gum lovers with packs ranging from Knee Jerkers to Vanilla Ice Gum.

The Web in Pig Latin
http://voyager.cns.ohiou.edu/~jrantane/menu/pig.html
Ustjay atwhay ethay orldway eedsnay, sorry, we mean just what the world needs, a site that will convert any page on the WWW into Pig Latin. It couldn't be simpler to operate, all you have to do is enter in the URL of the page you want and viola, your favorite page is translated. All further links from the translated page will then also be in Pig Latin making for an afternoon of fun and excitement for kids of all ages. The big question is what happens when you enter in a page already in Pig Latin?

Guess the Evil Dictator and/or TV Sitcom Character
http://sp1.berkeley.edu/dict.html?color=d
So what if it guessed I was Gilligan when we were trying for Mussolini. At this site, you pose as your favorite evil dictator or TV sitcom character, then answer yes or no to a series of seemingly unrelated questions ("Do you smoke a cigar?" "Do you own a mid-1970s Dodge?") until the electronic host queries your identity. The site guessed correctly once, when we posed as Alice from the Brady Bunch. But it was horribly off the mark on other occasions; it guessed I was Ronald McDonald when I was, in fact, posing as Napoleon.

The Vincent Price Tribute Page
http://www.leba.net/~ghlong/
Sure, he was the master of horror, but I bet you didn't know he liked a good tomato sauce! In this site, you'll learn of Price's contributions to the macabre film genre and also sample a tasty recipe or two. See, not only was Price capable of portraying frightening real, horrific characters, he loved food so the keepers of this site also included one of the master's favorite culinary concoctions. Try the Sardi's sauce -- it's delicious!

The Juggling Information Page
http://www.hal.com:80/services/juggle/
Don't try to throw the balls in a circle, but pass them hand-to-hand. That's one of the tips in the how-to section in this vast wealth of information about the classic art of tossing things around in the air without dropping them. Read about juggling reports in the media, juggling in competitions, the history of juggling, juggling news and view pictures of people juggling a plethora of objects. Don't miss Juggling in the Movies, a guide to the cinematic appearances of balls, clubs and references. Among movies not expected to featuring juggling scenes: Casablanca, 9‡ Weeks and Cool Hand Luke (inmates were shown juggling in a prison corridor shot).

	Brian Bookman's Page O' Pants http://www.midsoft.com/~myron/bruce/home.html Frightening as it may seem, this page is not at all a misnomer. Bruce Bookman (who's been a bit ornery lately, following his breakup with his girlfriend) has dedicated a page to pants in all their varieties, from the moronic bus-station Dockers ads to a picture of himself as a young boy wearing trousers Benny Hill wouldn't touch. Why did he choose pants? He frankly admits that initial idea came from David Letterman, though he and his friends "have had inside pants jokes (oops.. I just made one right there, didn't I... get it.. INSIDE pants??) for years." Bookman believes that "anything normal can be made funny with ëpants' included. For example: You could say, ëHey, I just came back from the store and brought back a bunch of fruit and donuts IN MY PANTS'. It is the kooky sexual innuendo that makes this work." Bookman also has distinct opinions about other pants on the 'net, giving Teri Hatcher the nod for best pants, on or off, and Bill Gates' pants the distinction as most evil. "I have not seen many pages that include full length photos of people, so it is hard to know about the pants," sighs Bookman, though he does have a favorite programming group of trouser-wearers: Sun Microsystems. "All of the Folks at Sun wear colorful play pants," explains Bookman. "For their creation of Java."

	Cheese Net http://www.efn.org/~kpw/cheesenet95/ Arguably the finest resource about the artery-clogging foodstuff on the 'net, CheeseNet offers archives of information, recipes and more facts than you thought you wanted to know about the dairy product. Would you like to know what's in cheese? Find out in "What's In Your Cheese." Have other dairy-related questions? Ask Dr. Cheese, arguably the 'net's top authority on all things dairy in our favorite section of the site. The good doctor faces even the most difficult questions head-on, such as "Is Velveeta really cheese?" Notes the knowledgeable Dr. Cheese: "Many people say that if it tastes like cheese and looks like cheese, then it in fact must be. But many in my field find Velveeta reprehensible, and find the depiction of cheddar in their commercials as lumpy and useless, frankly, shocking." He even bravely takes on the delicate, age-old comparison of Vermont cheddars vs. Wisconsin varieties.

	The Spork http://intac.com/~cully/spork.html Known to fast food lovers worldwide, the Spork (combination spoon and fork) boasts its own extensive Web site replete with a review of sporks from around the world and media mentions of sporks. The highlight of the site are alternative uses for sporks -- it seems ironically that despite testimony from two people that actually navigating food with a spork is out of the question.

	Drug Terms Resource Page http://iuma.southern.com/PIPE/drugsterms.html Have a jones for antifreeze? An addiction to ah-pen-yen? To do anything right, you have to know the lingo. From this site, you can talk like the pros do it, those drug users who know their stuff. Compiled by a variety of experts for the supposed use of police officers, this resource educates anyone who wants to inflitrate the ranks of the unwashed and the drug-induced by taking on the jargon. Learn the many names for crack (Bad, ball bings, double yoke, egg, fat bags, 51, fry, glo, Hubba I am back, and love affair) or heroin (kaybayo, jojee, hombre, hero, golden girl). After studying this site, you'll be able to defy detection by hitting up dealers with this kind of hip in-the-know jargon: "I'll give you an Abe's cabe for some fish scales since I'm on an interplanetary mission since I am not a gutter junkie. Do you have an in, bro?"

	The Worship Page http://www.stolaf.edu/people/lang/worship.html We could sum up what you find here, but in the words of the author : "This is a comprehensive list which a few friends and I created in spring 1989. It is intended to list every interesting or memorable item in the world." Truly a remarkable documnet the list, which occupies and impressive 52 pages of bandwhith, is neither sorted, edited or hyperlinked in anyway. A few nuggets culled from the list: Dwayne Schneider (page 6), Irish Proverbs (page 17) and Rerun Breakdancing (page 43).

	Steve's Antfarm http://sec.dgsys.com/antfarm.html Why waste your time steering up your own ant farm, when for just pennies a day you can sit back and watch Steve's? In man's never-ending quest to point cameras at objects and then put them on the Web, we've come to this, the Steve's ants digging tunnels. The action is updated every five minutes, but your best bet is checking on the progress at longer intervals, unless you're a big Dave Matthews Band fan.

	Joy's Gum Collection http://www.pacifier.com/~joyco/gum.html If you loved the banana last collection in last month's issue, put down the magazine now and check out Joy's ever- expanding, international collection of gum. Luckily Joy rarely chews gum, so there's no having to comb through GIFs of wet wads of used pieces. No mere handful of Bazooka and Wrigley favorites Joy's collection will astound even the most avid gum lovers with packs ranging from Knee Jerkers to Vanilla Ice Gum.

	The Web in Pig Latin http://voyager.cns.ohiou.edu/~jrantane/menu/pig.html Ustjay atwhay ethay orldway eedsnay, sorry, we mean just what the world needs, a site that will convert any page on the WWW into Pig Latin. It couldn't be simpler to operate, all you have to do is enter in the URL of the page you want and viola, your favorite page is translated. All further links from the translated page will then also be in Pig Latin making for an afternoon of fun and excitement for kids of all ages. The big question is what happens when you enter in a page already in Pig Latin?

	Guess the Evil Dictator and/or TV Sitcom Character http://sp1.berkeley.edu/dict.html?color=d So what if it guessed I was Gilligan when we were trying for Mussolini. At this site, you pose as your favorite evil dictator or TV sitcom character, then answer yes or no to a series of seemingly unrelated questions ("Do you smoke a cigar?" "Do you own a mid-1970s Dodge?") until the electronic host queries your identity. The site guessed correctly once, when we posed as Alice from the Brady Bunch. But it was horribly off the mark on other occasions; it guessed I was Ronald McDonald when I was, in fact, posing as Napoleon.

	The Vincent Price Tribute Page http://www.leba.net/~ghlong/ Sure, he was the master of horror, but I bet you didn't know he liked a good tomato sauce! In this site, you'll learn of Price's contributions to the macabre film genre and also sample a tasty recipe or two. See, not only was Price capable of portraying frightening real, horrific characters, he loved food so the keepers of this site also included one of the master's favorite culinary concoctions. Try the Sardi's sauce -- it's delicious!

	The Juggling Information Page http://www.hal.com:80/services/juggle/ Don't try to throw the balls in a circle, but pass them hand-to-hand. That's one of the tips in the how-to section in this vast wealth of information about the classic art of tossing things around in the air without dropping them. Read about juggling reports in the media, juggling in competitions, the history of juggling, juggling news and view pictures of people juggling a plethora of objects. Don't miss Juggling in the Movies, a guide to the cinematic appearances of balls, clubs and references. Among movies not expected to featuring juggling scenes: Casablanca, 9‡ Weeks and Cool Hand Luke (inmates were shown juggling in a prison corridor shot).