How long have you been online?

Intermittently three or four times since the fall of the Berlin Wall.

What do you spend most of your time doing online?

Downloading organ arrangements of Beethoven's late string quartets.

How do you spend offline time?

Working on my magnum opus -- a gossip-spewing, trashy exposé of Madeline L'Engle.

Do you surf with links underlined?

Proudly, no.

What was the first site that really caught your attention?

The one about top celebrities with deplorable gingivitis.

What scares you about the Internet?

What television did for passivity, the Net will do for slack-jawed staring: turn it into a cultural norm.

What best prepared you for your work?

My brief stint in a barbershop quartet.

Are your a dog or cat person? Or perhaps some alternative pet?

My family suffers an unfortunate history of lycanthropy, so I tend to avoid fur-bearing animals. Recent political events have forced me to give up calling myself a "newt" person.

"In high school I was...

Elected mostly likely to fail in an amusing way.

Describe your favorite monitor decoration/toy?

A plastic replica of a pony's digestive system commands the most acclaim among colleagues and internists.

The ultimate online snack is...?

Though it requires judicious use of the blender, one or two of my ice cream and ketchup confections have proven successful.

What applications are usually running on your computer?

Microsoft Word, QuarkXpress, and a screen saver image of an eye infection.

What's your favorite book?

Isaiah, particularly the juicy parts.

What's your favorite cereal, and when do you indulge?

Mueslix. Usually before and after I brush my teeth.

What tunes play while you surf?

My grandfather suffered a massive cerebral hemorrhage while strumming "Karma Chameleon" on the ukulele. That painful association aside, I spin hours and hours of digitally recorded ukulele standards (which include arrangements of Air Supply favorites, certain Stephen Foster ditties, and Don Ho's greatest hits).