Weird on the Web (5-96)

Hairy Human's Home Page
http://www.luna.co.uk/~charles/
Charles Stuart, 31, is no George "The Animal" Steele, but oh, he's hairy all right. Intrigued by his unusually hirsute body, the English taxi driver has dedicated most of his site to "scientifically" exploring the nature of his beastly coat. "There are few hairless places left for new hair growth, but my hair is definitely still getting thicker and more luxuriant in many places," writes Stuart, who appears as though he might be the victim of a cruel voodoo hair curse. The site is well written, and often hysterical, even if it's not meant to be. Particularly amusing are Stuart's musings on the advantages and disadvantages of being woolly: "You wouldn't believe the size of my shampoo bill," he exclaims in disgust. On the flip side, he argues, "being hairy enables me to spend less on clothes."

The Doodle Bus
http://www.oznet.com/SSITE/DOODLEB/dbus.html
Take a tour of Scott's 1975 Volkswagen bus. Learn about his trolls, the evil blue grin and the happy, swirling sun on the side. "The greatest thing about the troll head is his hair gets styled all different ways by the weather. Some days he sports a wet, greased-back look while other times he dons a Don King/Buckwheat do." His lengthy virtual-reality tour leaves no elements unturned, including the evil Barney he has strung up from the rear-view mirror and the bean bags installed where the fridge used to be. His odd vehicle draws a lot of stares, especially from those who see it as a reminder of a friendlier, peace-lovin' time. "It's when I get asked if I have any 'herbs' that I have to tell them that I'm an artist, not a hippy!"

Ovi's World of the Bizarre
http://netmar.com/users/ovigher/ovi.htm
In this wonderland of oddities, you'll find volumes of reporting that would never be found on the local evening news. From the pizza parlor owner getting arrested for asking people to sign his exposed butt to doctors performing the wrong surgery, nothing seems too obscure for Ovi. New issues appear in a timely manner before the first day of the month and back issues are available for research or just good old-fashioned entertainment. Be forewarned: This is not a fiction site. What you are about to read actually occurred...or so Ovi says.

Frank the Dinosaur
http://www.tyrell.net/~coventry/frank/frank.html
Follow the adventures of Frank, a large 4-million-year-old dinosaur, in this odd cartoon series. All of his experiences seem somewhat surreal. Be sure to read "installment IV," in which Frank starts out on a mission for a Colombian drug lord (played by Santa Claus), then winds up with two Beavis and Butthead wanna-bes who take him to a Megadeth concert.

The Bad Kitty/Bad Human Page
http://geog.utoronto.ca/reynolds/pethumor/badkitty.html
This site makes two assumptions: that your pet could stand upright and that it could have mastered penmanship well enough to be punished with writing repetitive sayings on a blackboard a la Bart Simpson. Harold Reynolds has been at this for some time now, since 1993, so this is no passing issue for him. His hard efforts are obvious; there are several hundred lines of bad kitty commentaries that range from the generic "I will not poop on the carpet" to the more specific "Black widow spiders are not a toy" and "I realize that the house is not a prison, from which to escape at any opportunity." To be fair to his animal friends, there's a Bad Human version as well.

Victor the SnakeMannn's Home Page
http://home.navisoft.com/snakemannn/index.htm
"As a long haired, former drug addict, tattooed, rock-n-roll listening, Harley-Davidson driving person, I am not the stereotypical Republican Type." We couldn't have said it better ourselves. Victor makes no apologies for his hardcore far-right views in spite of his seemingly more tolerant lifestyle of sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. Victor's site is a strange brew -- an impressive collection of photographs of himself, his snake and his bike plus some more unusual images of the Snakemannn with celebs that run the spectrum from musicians Alice Cooper and Edgar Winter and the late Wolfman Jack to Sen. Phil Gramm and Murder She Wrote's Angela Lansbury.

The Bubble Page
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/3289/index.html
The Ten Commandments warn us not to worship any graven images but can you really call delightful spheres made of soap, gum or saliva "graven." Lloyd Powell obviously doesn't think so, and thus he started the Bubble Church, "dedicated to the worship and appreciation of the Bubble." While Powell's religion has somewhat dubious origins -- according to the FAQ, LSD played a big role in the church's creation -- we can't dismiss any faith with ceremonies that include communal bubble baths and bubble-blowing contests. Other tenets of the bubble religion: No faith required, absolutely no sin, and you can still worship your old God while embracing the bubble.

Meatmation
http://www.cais.net/frisch/meatmation
Coming so closely on the heels of Toy Story, the world of animation may not be ready yet for the revolutionary process of Meatmation -- think claymation substituting meat for clay. Learn all about the trademarked process of Meatmation at this site, then see the first story done in Meatmation. The tale, a family tragedy in which Mr. Beefy goes on a Menendezesque cannibalistic rampage, isn't pretty, but the truly exciting part about the site is the chance to witness the birth of an brand new storytelling medium.

The Decapitate an Angel Page
http://www.halcyon.com/maelstrm/angel.html
What a golden opportunity. With a simple click of the mouse, blow any shot you had at eternal bliss and seek the ultimate revenge (for those of us who had to deal with knuckle-beating nuns and God-fearing ministers or rabbis) on the administers of guilt. At the site, an image of an angel statue appears and you must click on the head. If you have done it right, within moments, the angel will reappear without her head, wearing a sanguinary shawl. A triumphant message will ring from on high if this feat is done correctly; if you fail to hit her in the right spot, you will receive messages of eternal damnation and ridicule, somewhat reminiscent of grade school.

UFO Abduction Insurance
http://www.gslink.net/%7Eufo/index.html
Who couldn't use a little more peace of mind? The mock St. Lawrence Agency, whose catchy slogan indignantly cries "Beam me up, I'm covered," offers the family-minded individual single lifetime protection (up to $10 million in coverage) against UFO abduction. The generous policy costs a flat $19.95, no matter your age or "Frequent Flyer Status." So, on your next close encounter, as your atoms are being dissembled for transport into the mother ship, take comfort in knowing that your family is being cared for.

The World's Largest Selection of Afghans
http://www.afghan.com/
Hallmark had it wrong; nothing shows you care like a nice Afghan. If you thought that standard Afghan designs were limited to ducks and other such boring motifs, then you really have to check out this site. As the intro explains, there's "something for everyone," including touching scenes with frolicking cats, handsome dogs and even renderings of Elvis and scenes by The Masters. "Afghans combine both function and beauty; some people use them as throws...others as blankets...still others as wall decorations! As gifts they'll be treasured for years."

	Hairy Human's Home Page http://www.luna.co.uk/~charles/ Charles Stuart, 31, is no George "The Animal" Steele, but oh, he's hairy all right. Intrigued by his unusually hirsute body, the English taxi driver has dedicated most of his site to "scientifically" exploring the nature of his beastly coat. "There are few hairless places left for new hair growth, but my hair is definitely still getting thicker and more luxuriant in many places," writes Stuart, who appears as though he might be the victim of a cruel voodoo hair curse. The site is well written, and often hysterical, even if it's not meant to be. Particularly amusing are Stuart's musings on the advantages and disadvantages of being woolly: "You wouldn't believe the size of my shampoo bill," he exclaims in disgust. On the flip side, he argues, "being hairy enables me to spend less on clothes."

	The Doodle Bus http://www.oznet.com/SSITE/DOODLEB/dbus.html Take a tour of Scott's 1975 Volkswagen bus. Learn about his trolls, the evil blue grin and the happy, swirling sun on the side. "The greatest thing about the troll head is his hair gets styled all different ways by the weather. Some days he sports a wet, greased-back look while other times he dons a Don King/Buckwheat do." His lengthy virtual-reality tour leaves no elements unturned, including the evil Barney he has strung up from the rear-view mirror and the bean bags installed where the fridge used to be. His odd vehicle draws a lot of stares, especially from those who see it as a reminder of a friendlier, peace-lovin' time. "It's when I get asked if I have any 'herbs' that I have to tell them that I'm an artist, not a hippy!"

	Ovi's World of the Bizarre http://netmar.com/users/ovigher/ovi.htm In this wonderland of oddities, you'll find volumes of reporting that would never be found on the local evening news. From the pizza parlor owner getting arrested for asking people to sign his exposed butt to doctors performing the wrong surgery, nothing seems too obscure for Ovi. New issues appear in a timely manner before the first day of the month and back issues are available for research or just good old-fashioned entertainment. Be forewarned: This is not a fiction site. What you are about to read actually occurred...or so Ovi says.

	Frank the Dinosaur http://www.tyrell.net/~coventry/frank/frank.html Follow the adventures of Frank, a large 4-million-year-old dinosaur, in this odd cartoon series. All of his experiences seem somewhat surreal. Be sure to read "installment IV," in which Frank starts out on a mission for a Colombian drug lord (played by Santa Claus), then winds up with two Beavis and Butthead wanna-bes who take him to a Megadeth concert.

	The Bad Kitty/Bad Human Page http://geog.utoronto.ca/reynolds/pethumor/badkitty.html This site makes two assumptions: that your pet could stand upright and that it could have mastered penmanship well enough to be punished with writing repetitive sayings on a blackboard a la Bart Simpson. Harold Reynolds has been at this for some time now, since 1993, so this is no passing issue for him. His hard efforts are obvious; there are several hundred lines of bad kitty commentaries that range from the generic "I will not poop on the carpet" to the more specific "Black widow spiders are not a toy" and "I realize that the house is not a prison, from which to escape at any opportunity." To be fair to his animal friends, there's a Bad Human version as well.

	Victor the SnakeMannn's Home Page http://home.navisoft.com/snakemannn/index.htm "As a long haired, former drug addict, tattooed, rock-n-roll listening, Harley-Davidson driving person, I am not the stereotypical Republican Type." We couldn't have said it better ourselves. Victor makes no apologies for his hardcore far-right views in spite of his seemingly more tolerant lifestyle of sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. Victor's site is a strange brew -- an impressive collection of photographs of himself, his snake and his bike plus some more unusual images of the Snakemannn with celebs that run the spectrum from musicians Alice Cooper and Edgar Winter and the late Wolfman Jack to Sen. Phil Gramm and Murder She Wrote's Angela Lansbury.

	The Bubble Page http://www.geocities.com/Athens/3289/index.html The Ten Commandments warn us not to worship any graven images but can you really call delightful spheres made of soap, gum or saliva "graven." Lloyd Powell obviously doesn't think so, and thus he started the Bubble Church, "dedicated to the worship and appreciation of the Bubble." While Powell's religion has somewhat dubious origins -- according to the FAQ, LSD played a big role in the church's creation -- we can't dismiss any faith with ceremonies that include communal bubble baths and bubble-blowing contests. Other tenets of the bubble religion: No faith required, absolutely no sin, and you can still worship your old God while embracing the bubble.

	Meatmation http://www.cais.net/frisch/meatmation Coming so closely on the heels of Toy Story, the world of animation may not be ready yet for the revolutionary process of Meatmation -- think claymation substituting meat for clay. Learn all about the trademarked process of Meatmation at this site, then see the first story done in Meatmation. The tale, a family tragedy in which Mr. Beefy goes on a Menendezesque cannibalistic rampage, isn't pretty, but the truly exciting part about the site is the chance to witness the birth of an brand new storytelling medium.

	The Decapitate an Angel Page http://www.halcyon.com/maelstrm/angel.html What a golden opportunity. With a simple click of the mouse, blow any shot you had at eternal bliss and seek the ultimate revenge (for those of us who had to deal with knuckle-beating nuns and God-fearing ministers or rabbis) on the administers of guilt. At the site, an image of an angel statue appears and you must click on the head. If you have done it right, within moments, the angel will reappear without her head, wearing a sanguinary shawl. A triumphant message will ring from on high if this feat is done correctly; if you fail to hit her in the right spot, you will receive messages of eternal damnation and ridicule, somewhat reminiscent of grade school.

	UFO Abduction Insurance http://www.gslink.net/%7Eufo/index.html Who couldn't use a little more peace of mind? The mock St. Lawrence Agency, whose catchy slogan indignantly cries "Beam me up, I'm covered," offers the family-minded individual single lifetime protection (up to $10 million in coverage) against UFO abduction. The generous policy costs a flat $19.95, no matter your age or "Frequent Flyer Status." So, on your next close encounter, as your atoms are being dissembled for transport into the mother ship, take comfort in knowing that your family is being cared for.

	The World's Largest Selection of Afghans http://www.afghan.com/ Hallmark had it wrong; nothing shows you care like a nice Afghan. If you thought that standard Afghan designs were limited to ducks and other such boring motifs, then you really have to check out this site. As the intro explains, there's "something for everyone," including touching scenes with frolicking cats, handsome dogs and even renderings of Elvis and scenes by The Masters. "Afghans combine both function and beauty; some people use them as throws...others as blankets...still others as wall decorations! As gifts they'll be treasured for years."